stole this from a Jarl.
Handy slave tip #443.7 Paint irises and pupils on your eyelids so you always have that attentive look about you
well, have been away from blogging for a while, i know, i know, sinful isn't it. RL has called me away for a long time, RP on IMVU and such, it's been a hard week this week. Also slightly been bored and lazy. giggles.
by the way, i did do my SL chores and such, birthed a bosk, brewed some sul-paga, worked on some cooking to keep the food in the longhall up, then went to Jarl Aedonix's show! there i learned my new favorite thing *laughs* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqRRW9lKmEQ
something that bugs me, yes, make a memorial thing for a girl that lasted a few weeks and not one that lasted 8 months perfect sense. i'm really getting fed up with stuff and drama and feeling like shit. really. i don't want a fucking memorial thing or mopey words in someone's profile, but it makes me think "i wasted 8 months....and never was there a word spoken of me, she lasts two maybe three weeks and she gets his heart and words to patch the holes. wonderful. i guess i was really what he said was his 'treasured girl' sighs" he throws a fit, stays up nearly two full days sulking, crys a few hours with me, tells me it's "him not me" which has become more aware to me that it truly is me, i'm a crappy slave to him for some reason, yet my Jarl thinks i'm the most beautiful important thing to him. weird huh? how different people see things differently. so cry over me a few hours, sleep well, and go on about your life like nothing happened. i like how i invest 110% into something and the other doesn't even come close in effort. i tried harder to make it work then him, and every time i tried to make it work, he would shoot down my idea and call it phooey. because ya know, what ever i did, he would never commit to. i realized something about two months ago, in order for a relationship to be fixed, both have to work at it. and that didn't happen so i guess that i wasn't worth saving to him. like my Jarl says "His loss." i just have to keep thinking "His loss." maybe then things will clear up.
i just feel like i have no place now. really. ya know what ever, he won't listen to me or anyone. so why bother. he's no good no matter what. and i have to face that. i was "treasured" which meant last in line, last to be talked to unless needed to listen to him or needed for serving. and now truly i see how i weigh out. i guess i was that "piece of shit" girl he had the one that "mouths off" and "doesn't do as commanded" the "fit thrower" and the "brat." not to mention "the fussy whiny cry baby." yeah. i fuss if you say that someone was more important than me at the time. be a man, if i was not important, you should not have said it at the time, shouldn't have said it just to make me feel better, because it's lies and we all know lies only lead to hurt. I'm just tired of all of this. sometimes i wish he would grow up say "i'm sorry I've been such an ass to you. i'm sorry that I've made you hurt when it was unnecessary i lost you, and now i don't have you. i shouldn't ruin your life any farther then the night we broke did. i'm sorry" but ya know, i'm not worth an apologies to him for some reason. all he does is mope about her. she's a lucky girl....she got more fits thrown over her than i did, she must be fucking cream of the crop or something. actually i'd like to also hear him say with a dead cold stare to me "you were nothing to me" if he can do it, then i really was. case closed. if he can't do it, then that means i was something to him, just something un-noticed, something that i guess wasn't enough of a "something" to care about.
though, tapping into my gorean point, i'm just a girl. They are just Free. i must serve them and be found pleasing by them. so now that i had my fit right here, it's time to just go and isolate myself so i don't say anything else that isn't "Gorean" because ya know, people don't like hearing my personal life and like to throw fits about it randomly.
know what, fuck today. i just need my Jarl here to cry on his shoulder and just tell him what an asshole some people are. and yes, i will deliberately show Jarl who has his priorities messed up this. i'm not afraid to be an ass like him.
i won't be stupid and go far to beat myself up for this, i did nothing wrong.
and here goes my gorean side "shut up and deal with it. just go to the farms and lay behind some verr, sit on the grass with the snow melting around it, stare into the forest for a bit and chill..."
so here i end my post of the day, might add another one tonight if anything changes and i gain some energy, i just want to just chill, take a nice long shower, and say "fuck you" to the world. *sighs*
~petals. some day in may... i lose track on weekends.
Handy slave tip #443.7 Paint irises and pupils on your eyelids so you always have that attentive look about you
well, have been away from blogging for a while, i know, i know, sinful isn't it. RL has called me away for a long time, RP on IMVU and such, it's been a hard week this week. Also slightly been bored and lazy. giggles.
by the way, i did do my SL chores and such, birthed a bosk, brewed some sul-paga, worked on some cooking to keep the food in the longhall up, then went to Jarl Aedonix's show! there i learned my new favorite thing *laughs* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqRRW9lKmEQ
something that bugs me, yes, make a memorial thing for a girl that lasted a few weeks and not one that lasted 8 months perfect sense. i'm really getting fed up with stuff and drama and feeling like shit. really. i don't want a fucking memorial thing or mopey words in someone's profile, but it makes me think "i wasted 8 months....and never was there a word spoken of me, she lasts two maybe three weeks and she gets his heart and words to patch the holes. wonderful. i guess i was really what he said was his 'treasured girl' sighs" he throws a fit, stays up nearly two full days sulking, crys a few hours with me, tells me it's "him not me" which has become more aware to me that it truly is me, i'm a crappy slave to him for some reason, yet my Jarl thinks i'm the most beautiful important thing to him. weird huh? how different people see things differently. so cry over me a few hours, sleep well, and go on about your life like nothing happened. i like how i invest 110% into something and the other doesn't even come close in effort. i tried harder to make it work then him, and every time i tried to make it work, he would shoot down my idea and call it phooey. because ya know, what ever i did, he would never commit to. i realized something about two months ago, in order for a relationship to be fixed, both have to work at it. and that didn't happen so i guess that i wasn't worth saving to him. like my Jarl says "His loss." i just have to keep thinking "His loss." maybe then things will clear up.
i just feel like i have no place now. really. ya know what ever, he won't listen to me or anyone. so why bother. he's no good no matter what. and i have to face that. i was "treasured" which meant last in line, last to be talked to unless needed to listen to him or needed for serving. and now truly i see how i weigh out. i guess i was that "piece of shit" girl he had the one that "mouths off" and "doesn't do as commanded" the "fit thrower" and the "brat." not to mention "the fussy whiny cry baby." yeah. i fuss if you say that someone was more important than me at the time. be a man, if i was not important, you should not have said it at the time, shouldn't have said it just to make me feel better, because it's lies and we all know lies only lead to hurt. I'm just tired of all of this. sometimes i wish he would grow up say "i'm sorry I've been such an ass to you. i'm sorry that I've made you hurt when it was unnecessary i lost you, and now i don't have you. i shouldn't ruin your life any farther then the night we broke did. i'm sorry" but ya know, i'm not worth an apologies to him for some reason. all he does is mope about her. she's a lucky girl....she got more fits thrown over her than i did, she must be fucking cream of the crop or something. actually i'd like to also hear him say with a dead cold stare to me "you were nothing to me" if he can do it, then i really was. case closed. if he can't do it, then that means i was something to him, just something un-noticed, something that i guess wasn't enough of a "something" to care about.
though, tapping into my gorean point, i'm just a girl. They are just Free. i must serve them and be found pleasing by them. so now that i had my fit right here, it's time to just go and isolate myself so i don't say anything else that isn't "Gorean" because ya know, people don't like hearing my personal life and like to throw fits about it randomly.
know what, fuck today. i just need my Jarl here to cry on his shoulder and just tell him what an asshole some people are. and yes, i will deliberately show Jarl who has his priorities messed up this. i'm not afraid to be an ass like him.
i won't be stupid and go far to beat myself up for this, i did nothing wrong.
and here goes my gorean side "shut up and deal with it. just go to the farms and lay behind some verr, sit on the grass with the snow melting around it, stare into the forest for a bit and chill..."
so here i end my post of the day, might add another one tonight if anything changes and i gain some energy, i just want to just chill, take a nice long shower, and say "fuck you" to the world. *sighs*
~petals. some day in may... i lose track on weekends.
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